Moon Over Rami Levy
Shopping at Rami Levy in the Rav Mecher building in Talpiyot is not what you might imagine a supermarket experience to be. On different occasions I have experienced different things but this past Friday, doing my weekly shopping with my best friend Esty in the morning before Shabbat, it was not the usual sequence of events to which we are accustomed, a few surprises were in store. Esty and I got there at approximately the same time we usually do. To begin with, we were determined to become “Club Members.” We almost ignored the fact that there was very little parking and walked from the far end of the underground level. Shopping carts were nowhere to be found but I told Esty that we could first go to the Customer Service counter and get our club cards. Well, as luck would have it, the woman who signs members up was out that day. We then set to find a shopping cart. Nary a cart was to be; people escorted shoppers to their cars to get their carts. I refused to do this and while Esty went to the underground parking to find these elusive metal nuisances, I stood my ground outside the main entrance with a view of the outside parking.
At the far end of the outside parking was a dark car with an old, heavyset man peering over the edge of the trunk. This would be an ordinary site if not for the fact that the man’s trousers had slipped down, exposing way too much of his hairy (curly, gray and white) buttocks in the morning sunlight. I’m not talking a slight crack, I’m talking saloon doors, okay? What to do? I’m far-sighted and could see in too great detail a sight for no eyes. He became aware of this and hoisted up his pants with one hand expertly moving to the rear of his belt.
Finally —— a cart was in sight!!!! I cannot tell you how much joy this gave me and all but forgetting about hairy butt, I almost danced over to release a wagon. I entered the supermarket and it is sometimes so crowded, you would think people were getting their provisions for free. The layout of this store has some sale items outside, in part of the sheltered parking lot on the ground level, as well as some regular produce. One then enters this corridor where the elevators are, which contains more sale items and sundries. Once past the security guard who usually looks like a solid meal won’t hurt him, the shopper is in the main store. Ordinarily, I first turn left into the aisle of green leafy and other fresh vegetables and this past Friday was no exception. I should tell you that in Rami Levy the customer is regarded a nuisance by the workers who, backed by their foreman, habitually shove, push and leave all kinds of carts and cartons blocking strategic parts of the aisle. I stood back and observed a well mannered man try to get through with his cart. A backless cart was left diagonally mid-aisle, blocking anyone who wanted to pass in either direction. Whose cart was it? Lo and behold – hairy butt’s!!!! There was the man, bent over some veggies, ignoring the world and the gentleman who politely asked him to move his cart over so that he could proceed. Nothing doing, hairy butt (hereinafter: HB) was playing deaf. I will add that I now know why they call it mooning and one more thing, if he thought he was blending in with the melons, he REALLY WASN’T! This was hard on the eyes and I was glad I had a light breakfast of coffee and yoghurt and nothing heavier.
The gentleman pushed the cart aside while HB remained oblivious. I then got to the greens after selecting some firm, unripe tomatoes which I let ripen at home. I wanted leeks and asked a worker stacking beet leaves where the leeks might be. The man moved ALL of the beet greens aside and there were some great leeks under them so I took one and then said I wanted another. While I leaned over, HB pushed my cart away with a rough thrust, to which I told him “Don’t push my cart and besides, your backside is hanging out!” Two women audibly choked back their laughter at that one and HB told me “What? Just because I shoved your cart, you tell me my backside is out? You are rude and impudent!”
Mind you, I went about my business and left him to stew, the two women sneaking admiring looks while stifling laughter still. The irony of this man who pretends not to hear when another shopper cannot get by his obtusely placed wagon but then hears VERY WELL when I told him his back door was open, calling me rude…well, with all my respect for people, he needs a dictionary and a good mirror (front and rear view, I say).